Back in the day of scallywags and sea chanteys, pirates used to wear velvet jackets and brightly colored scarves, silk ruffled blouses and snazzy striped britches. They wore custom made eye patches, and mahogany peg legs. They would hop off their fancy ships made from finely carved ebony, do a sing and dance routine, tie up their victims, do a bit of dramatic sword fighting, steal everything in sight, and go on their way. It was always a fun packed evening of excitement and adventure.
These days, a bunch of dirty guys jump off their duct taped motor boat with a few machine guns and just scare the petuty out of everyone for a few days before the coast guard comes to take them away. Have you seen what these guys are wearing? They wear dirty old T-shirts and ragged jeans and sweat pants. They don't even have a nice pair of buckle boots or do a sing and dance routine.
Something must be done to help these poor pirates. That's why I'm starting a foundation to help clothe modern day pirates fashionably. I mean, if you are going to rape, pillage, and plunder, you might as well do it in style. If you are going to be a criminal, you might as well milk it for all its worth.
Speaking of criminals who love to have fun...
This is Doug Davis.
This one time, he was house sitting for a neighbor, and he found their credit card. So he called up his friend, Clotilda B.
And they flew to flew first class to San Antonio for a mini vacation. They ate in expensive restaurants, and had a fun packed adventure. Clotilda B. had no idea that he had stolen a credit card. She didn't ask any questions, though, she had never had so much fun in her life.
The neighbors he was house sitting for somehow found out that he had stolen their credit card. They didn't call the cops though. They were really nice about it. They just made him pay the bill. They never asked him to house sit again after that.
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