Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I fell into a burning ring of black holes

The guy in this picture is Dax Powell.
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I don't remember what the chic's name is.  She's just some boring pretentious twit.  The only exciting thing she ever did was wear a silly hat.

    Dax Powell played baseball for Denison High School.  He was a left handed pitcher.  According to the stories that my dad told me day and night, Dax Powell got signed on to play baseball with the Houston Astros.  Apparently, major league baseball teams will give their left testicles for a left handed pitcher.

     Had Dax Powell been from another town or another family or another time, this might have worked out for him.  Unfortunately, his left hand was involved in a tragic accident after high school, and he had to give up baseball.

    There is there is a black hole in Denison,TX.  It sucks away all the dreams and great ambitions from everyone around.

  But speaking of Dax Powell, he was in my 11th grade English Class with with Ms. Bowen.  (She had a baby that year and nearly died from blood poisoning).

    I just thought thought that Dax Powell was adorable.  I bet if he asked me out back then, I could have used my super powers to make him a major league baseball player.  Who knows, maybe I'd be sitting in a mansion somewhere lounging by the pool.  I doubt it. Back then, I carried around too much negative energy for anything wonderful to happen.

This one day, Dax Powell came up to me and made fun of me.  He told me that he was driving behind me earlier that morning and I was driving so slow he thought I was his grandma or something.
I got to thinking about this, and I wondered if maybe I was driving a bit too slow.  So the next morning while I was driving my sister's boyfriend, Mikey to school,
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I sped up a little.  I drove 33 miles per hour, instead of the regular 30.

     And lo and behold, I got pulled over for speeding.  I didn't know that it was a school zone.   I didn't even see a school until the cop pointed it out.  It wasn't even a regular school, it was a kinder care and it was in the middle of the parking lot.  It would have been nice if they had put up a sign or something to let people know to slow down.  I tried to explain this to the judge, but he really didn't care.  He made me pay $78! 

The nerve of some people.

Guess who I went to high school with?

Vanilla Ice!
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Do you remember Vanilla Ice?  You know that song "Ice Ice Baby?"

  Okay, I'm totally pulling your leg.  I didn't go to high school with Vanilla Ice.  I think he went to high school in Dallas, and he's a lot older than me.  But he did move to Sherman, TX.  Sherman is the rival city of Denison TX and only 15 minutes away.  It's still close enough to the black hole in Denison to suck away the life energy from people.  Shortly after he stopped at a gas station in Denison, Vanilla Ice became a nobody.

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