Speaking of short people, this is CD Holder
(That is actually his real name. I've heard that it stands for constant dick, but I think that's just a rumor. It suits him though.)
CD Holder was the shortest guy in my high school. He was a couple inches shorter than me. He wasn't short enough to be a midget, but not quite tall enough to play basketball or reach the glasses out of the cabinet without getting a chair or climbing up onto the counter.
This is Melissa Heeler
She was a wee little lass. I would say that she was short enough to be a munchkin in "The Wizard of OZ". She wasn't a dwarf or a midget or anything, just extremely short.
There is a habit among most people, to just say every thought that pops into their head. It is for this reason, that so many people are great at mind reading.
If you want to do well in social situations, and get along marvelously with your peers, the thing to do is keep your mouth shut and plaster on the poker face. Stating the obvious is considered rude and downright annoying in our society.
When I was in high school, I did not know this.
One cold and rainy autumn morning, I was prancing down the hallway in a cheery delightful mood and I saw something that I had never seen before in my life. I was so excited with this thrilling experience, that I stated my observation loud and clear so everyone around could see what an amazing brilliant observer I was.
I saw CD Holder and Melissa Heeler walking side by side, hand in hand in the hallway. So I said "Oh my goodness gracious, isn't that so adorable."
They both looked up at me and shot me the evil eye.
Now that I think of it, this incident might have been the reason why CD Holder went a little crazy shaving my head at summer camp, and it might have been why he was so eager to throw a phone at me in the Lollapallooza incident.
I really don't understand why it's so bad and insulting to be short. Being short might be wonderful. You don't have to eat as much food and can save loads of money. You can buy clothes in the children's section. They get all the good clothes. So what's the big deal.
But alas, I guess they hate it because they are not considered real people by the rest of the world.
Modern Day Scientists have recently redefined the qualifications for being a real person.
1. You have to be tall enough to reach the gas pedal in a car.
2. You have to be tall enough to look the teller at the bank in the eye when making a deposit.
3. You have to be tall enough to dress in the adult section at Macys.
If you do not meet all three of these requirements, you are not a real person.
Oh, I suppose that sounds pretty nasty, don't you? Well it is. I made all this up.
Do you know why?
Because a bunch of geeky scientists who have nothing better to do with their time, all got together and decided that Pluto is not really a planet because it doesn't have enough gravity to keep all the asteroids away from it. Pluto is not orbitationally dominant, so it no longer qualifies as a real planet.
So my very eager mother just served us nine....
The mnemonic rhyme no longer works anymore thanks to the big headed know it all scientists who think they're better than everyone else. That is sooo not cool. I'm a tad bit offended that Pluto isn't considered real anymore. It orbits the sun. It's round and has a moon!
But no, it's just not good enough to qualify as part of our solar system. It's not perfect and so we cast it aside like a leper at a debutant ball.
Everybody has to do with what the scientists say, because they talk in mathematical equations that are so complicated that everyone thinks they are the smartest people in the world. But guess what! They're all a bunch of idiots who wear stupid looking clothes.
So I have decided to make up my own rules.
Rules to be a real person
1. You have to admit that Pluto is a real planet
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